2015 so far

It has been hectic 2015 so far. Kejer tahap tak angkat kepala. Banyak sangat planning and work kena siapkan. Pening kepala hoih. Lepas tu nak kena buat costing bagai. Sakit kepala tau tak. Some of the days tu my body pon has give in, tak larat sakit badan lenguh tak pepasal pon iya gak. Most days balik lambat. Mencik! And most time Farhan is the last to leave day care. He seemed ok. Dok gurau-gurau dengan kakak-kakak. But the guilt I felt, oh. Tak tergambar. Dalam kereta masa drive laju-laju nak ambik dia pon nak berjurai dah air mata. 

Last 2 days ada bengkel. Ended at 11.40 pm. Habis jek, berdesup aku dan mak-mak lain balik. Start kol 9 malam memasing dah tengok jam dah. Tak keruan aku. Tapi nak buat camner, x boleh escape. Kena stay sampai habis. Itupon esoknya, hari Sabtu ada sambungan, where I can't attend sebab Ed ada hal tak ada siapa nak tengok Farhan. Sampai je rumah both my 2 guys dah tido. Sedeynyalah.

I missed the 3 months where he is the first to leave daycare, during my study leave.  And we had time to go the park. Ni balik dah malam. Penat. Otak aku pon drained. As much as I am happy to see him, sebab otak penat, kekadang level of tolerance tu kurang bila dia 'mencomel. Kesian dia. Tak bersalah. 

Gambar dekat phone. Nantilah aku letak latest pic. Now suka nau berangan cakap kat telefon. Aku dan ed kadang-kadang jeling-jeling dan gelak-gelak dengar dia cakap. Best oi ada Farhan.

Eyyo.. 

Neni aner?

Ni An ni. 

Aki aner?

Red Tar An ada two. (Red car An ada two)

Yoyo  Tar An nenyer (Yellow car An punya)

Ok bai. Cee you. 

Asih. Ame. Ashihh.. ashihhh.Ame. Ashihhhhhh!!!! ( Terima kasih. Sama-sama. Terima kasih!!!)

Ok lah. Later peeps. Sambung kejer sikit.

1st entry for 2015

It's 1.57 am and I am having trouble sleeping. Maybe petang td dah tidur berjemaah with Farhan or my mind is racing and thinking milllions of things at the same time buat aku tak lelap.

Resah gelisah jiwa. Mungkin sebab tak leh solat. Serabut kepala. Tahun 2015 dah bermula. Walaupun banyak aku achieve in 2014,  tapi sebab tak habis-habis master ni makes me feel like a failure. Rimas boleh tak. Semangat pon dah takde dah. I just wanna get on with my life and do other things. This master or rather my inability to complete it is holding me back from excelling in other areas.

Trying to look in a bigger perspective,  2014 is spent much being a mom to Farhan. I dropped everything for him. Tak sihat sikit, aku cuti. Sampai boss pon aku rasa bengkek jek, asyik EL. Sorila bos my son comes first. Kalau tak buat apa-apa or pegi mana-mana just guling-guling dan bergumpal dgn Farhan pon aku rasa content. Such a great experience. Now that dia tengah nak start bercakap owh bestnya pastu banyak mender-mender kelakar he did yang buat aku dan Ed terburai gelak. Siang tadi baru jek dia cakap kat neighbour aku,  bye nenek.  Jiran aku tu baya aku! Omg farhan selamba kodok je ko panggil org nenek!

Thank you Allah for choosing me to become a mother to this wonderful, cheeky boy. I love and will cherish every second i spend with him. InsyaAllah.

Pasal banjir kat pantai timur. Memang dasyat kan. Som kampung macam kena langgar garuda. Nothing left except the clothes on their backs. Memang nangis tengok berita atau kat media sosial. YA Allah ringankanlah beban mereka dan bukakanlah hati kami rakyat Malaysia untuk.menghulurkan bantuan dengan ikhlas.

Oklah dah ngantuk. Post merapu sikit. Dan bercampur-campur. See ya peeps.